why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
