i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
