Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When are your genitals available?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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