I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
