I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
