Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
