If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
