It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
