i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
