I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
