Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
