so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
