I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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