whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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