I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
