I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
