It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
