I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
