what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
