last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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