What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How's work?
Spinning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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