Sponge bath it is.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
