i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
