there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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