Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I forget how to act sober
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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