Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
