I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
