Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
