For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
