he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
