Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
