would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
