Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
