google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
