We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
