dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
