I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
