this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
