I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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