You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
