I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
50% drunk capacity currently
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
