Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
