That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
