2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
