Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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