Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
