this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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