i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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