So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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