Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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